Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
