..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
