you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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