Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
