shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
