dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
