I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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