Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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