I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
