i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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