maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
