Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
