sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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