i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
