there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Your tits are I can't wait for
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
