Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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