as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
