genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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