I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
