How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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