I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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