I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found your dick twin last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
