i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
