theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
