Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
