the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
