"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize