New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
