This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
