I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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