I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
