We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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