What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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