I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dicks are not precious.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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