Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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