She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
