see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
