I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
