it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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