you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
