So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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