I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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