I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
