I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
