guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
