Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
