I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
