in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Randomize
