Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
