He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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