My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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