When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
