get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
