I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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