ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
