I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
