nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
