i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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