Your dad touched me again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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