All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
