they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
