Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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